The Dating Chemistry Myth: Lust, Logic, or Both?

You lock eyes across the room. Your stomach flips, your brain short-circuits, and suddenly you’re picturing a joint mortgage with someone whose name you don’t even know yet. Welcome to “chemistry,” aka the most unreliable narrator in the dating story.

We love to worship this spark. Movies make millions off it. Your friends have probably told you, “You’ll just know when it’s right.” But here’s the cold, scientific tea: that dizzy, head-over-heels feeling? It’s not some divine sign from the universe. It’s your brain on drugs. Literally.

Dopamine, oxytocin, adrenaline—they’re throwing a party in your nervous system the minute someone hot gives you attention. That heart-racing, palm-sweating high? It’s evolution’s way of saying: “Mate now, think later.” Super helpful if you're trying to survive the Ice Age, less helpful if you’re trying to avoid another situationship with a walking red flag.

And here’s where it gets messy: the people who set off those intense chemistry alarms? They’re not always the best match. Sometimes that spark is just your attachment issues recognizing a familiar flavor of emotional unavailability. Trauma bonding in disguise, but make it sexy.

Don’t get me wrong, lust is fun. Lust is spicy. But dating isn’t just about heat—it’s also about who’s still there when the adrenaline wears off and you both have the flu.

So yes, feel the spark. Enjoy the fire. But also bring a flashlight, a checklist, and a tiny therapist voice in your head. Because real chemistry? It’s not just lust or logic. It’s when your nervous system goes “ahh,” not just “aaaahhh!”